After my last CT scan I had finally started to feel more normal... not normal but back to myself I had a little more energy could drive again and could manage to do things on my own a bit more. 
It's amazing thinking back at it now how much the surgery had actually effected me and how long it took to recover from it. I never realised how big of an operation it was until I  felt  well enough to process and take in what I had been through I think I was so focused on getting better and trying to still do normal things for the kids that I should be able to do I didn't have the time to just take it in. 
I loved having my car back and just being able to take my self to the shops if I wanted to or just being able to do the school run... I know I never thought I'd be happy to do the school run either 🤣🤦🏼‍♀️. 
It was half term again this time the kids were breaking up for Easter. We went to Plymouth to celebrate my dads 60th birthday. I had spent well over 2 months trying to decide what I was going to wear it was trickier with my bag as I was still unsure of how it would be on an all night drinking session and I didn't really want to wear a dress incase of a leak. I finally decided and actually felt really comfortable and confident you could tell that I had a stoma bag at all just the usual mum tum that was still a little swollen. 
It takes us 4 hours to drive to Plymouth I was a little worried about my bag but actually didn't need to empty it at all. I didn't eat anything I did have a lucazade sport but other than that I had nothing I knew by that the routine of my stoma so knew that it should be ok until we had to stop. 
It was so nice to get away for the weekend and catch up with lots of family and friends. The party was amazing and felt so good to feel "normal" again I danced the night away with everyone I even managed to stay on the dance floor all the night. 
It was lovely to see the kids have lots of fun and finally see their cousins. 
Luckily for me I stuck to the gin after my experimenting (see stoma page) and didn't have a hangover the next day and my bag was fine. Fast forward a few weeks going out for a friends birthday white wine does give me a massive hangover note to self don't drink white wine for a while. Bag was fine still though so at least I know what it can take lol. 
It was a lovely weekend but I still had the scanxiety kicking in I hated the wait for scans. Luckily we had Easter to keep us busy we had a few lovely days out at the cinema and bowling not fogetting Paige's birthday our big girl was now 12. 
Paige had a lovely birthday with her friends bowling unfortunately it was cut short as I had a hospital appointment 😡. Luckily Paige is very understanding and didnt mind that we had to rush to get to hospital or the fact that Elizabeth had decalared to her friends that mummy was going to the hospital to have food colour put up her bum 😳🤣. 
I was in fact going for a proctagram where they do insert dye into your bowel to see if the rejoin from surgery had healed. It was a very straight forward simple procedure and quick it was over and done with after 20 minutes. I did have a little peak at the screen and couldn't see any dye leaking out so I was very hopeful that the procedure was fine and I would be put on the waiting list for my stoma reversal. 
They called 2 days later to let me know that the procedure was fine and the join was healed. 
By this time I had been waiting 3 weeks for my scan results on the same phone call my nurse informed me that my scan results were in. I had a new growth on my lung they wasn't sure if it was cancerous or not so my team would meet the following Wednesday to discuss it and I would be told on the Friday. She had told me that my other nodules on my lungs were stable. So I took all of this as good news and decided that with that knowledge I would start searching for my holiday insurance now I knew the result of my scan. 
We have been booked on a family holiday for the 3 years that hasn't been able to go ahead due to Covid. 
So the search started for holiday insurance I have trawled so many websites some wouldn't  even give a quote some were as high as £2050, the cheapest I had found was £500 so I thought well that's going to be the one but decided to wait for my appointment on the Friday before paying out and getting the go ahead from my team. 
So the Friday arrived I had my meeting with my specialist nurse Jackie. I already had a feeling that I was going to be told the new growth was cancerous so it wasn't a shock when she said it was.  What shocked me was that she said the other 15 nodules were in fact growing, growing slowly but still growing NOT stable. 
I was told that my diagnosis hasn't changed and because I had new growths it would still be the case that I would have to live with cancer for the rest of my life. I think for Scott and some members of family they thought because I had the primary tumour removed it would mean the rest would stop and diagnosis would be different.  
So now I'm under 3 monthly scans for the next 2 years.  It's been decided that I will have a treatment break and put on the reversal waiting list in the hope to get surgery done whilst I'm strong before I go back on treatment. I'm most likely going to be back on treatment after my next scan so iv been given the go ahead for my holiday to Greece 😁 my next battle is to now find insurance given my bad news 😩 

We both felt very deflated after the appointment I think scott really had convinced himself that it was all going to be good news and I wouldn't have this forever. For me it was that there's was now new growths I was just happy that it hadn't spread to a new organ which I suppose could eventually happen.  I have to just keep thinking that there's still so many options for me and we know that the chemo I was on before does work as it's shrunk the tumours before.  I allowed myself the rest of that night to feel shit and sorry for myself and my family then the next day it was back to "normal". My new normal is let's try and forget it's happening unless it's in my face like a scan, surgery, treatment or any kind of appointment. I'm trying my hardest for the kids to not think about it all the time. So we are trying to resume a normal routine for them.  They obviously still know but I think being as it's not in their face atm they arnt thinking about it lots. Matthews funny the other day he got a glimps of my bag as I was walking down the hall way he walked past and said oh still got cancer then 🤣. So it does make me think that because they arnt seeing it all the time it's not on their mind all the time. 
That evening I spent hours online finding a different company  for travel insurance I finally found one that my nurse had suggested, she said it was a lady who created the company because she herself had cancer and couldn't get any insurance I will add the link on here as it's was hundreds of pounds cheaper. 
Now is the time for the next few months to make lots of memories and keep everything going as normal and a few fun days out for the kids(advice from my nurse). 
We have a few holidays booked one with friends and the big family one which im really looking forward to. Im going to make the most of the next few month before im back on treatment unfortunately it looks like it will be through the summer holiday. So there will be lots of days in the hot tub in the garden🤣. 
Will keep updating on here when I get any news or anything that I think would help others. 
Don't forget to keep an eye on your body and anything that doesn't seem like normal for you or any changes in your body please please please see you gp, even if you think it's silly and nothing best to be safe!!! 
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