I was home!!! 😁😁

I don't think I have ever been happier to be home and I was back on the day I had aimed for the day before my boys birthday,  the kids were excited all though Paige wasn't home she had decided to stay at Scott's mums for nearly the whole half term.  I was happy about that I knew nanny Vee would spoil her and she would be distracted then from all that was going on,  Paige is 11 and understands the most out of the children about what's going on she also asks a lot of questions. I have always been honest about what's going on with the children I feel that keeping things from them and not giving the the truthful answer will make them more scared of the situation that we are in. So Paige knew every detail of my surgery and recovery and has asked lots of questions about my stoma and surprisingly isn't freaked out by it.  Elizabeth isn't bothered by it either she just says it's gross and doesn't want to see it.  
It was hard being at home because I couldn't do anything I mean I didn't have the energy for a start but even if I thought I did I wasn't allowed to stand for too long, walk far or lift anything. So for someone who is used to doing everything it was so difficult to just sit there. 
I finally managed a shower which was lovely but the reality of everything hit Matthew then.  He was sat in my room as I came in to get dressed and saw my stomach and stoma bag for the first time. He was very upset and just shouted I'm sick of this cancer stuff now!!  I explained to him that hopefully with having my stoma everything may calm down for a while and I promised that I would not show him it again.  His been a lot better since then but is just like everyone else fed up of this cancer stuff 🤣. 
We did have a lovely day for Matthews birthday he wasn't even bothered about doing anything  for it just wanted to be at home and game because at least I could be included in that I did feel bad and told him no go out bowling have fun. But he was adamant that he was happy to just stay home. So we had a lovely cake his favourite take away and just chilled 😁. It's little things like that that make me realise how understanding the kids are with all of this and how lucky I am. 

Getting used to my stoma hasn't been to bad iv had a few tearful days where I'd just like the bag off but I can't really sit with it off for long as it's got a mind of it's own and does what it wants. I have been very lucky with it though it hasn't leaked which is what I was worried about.  I was told that I'd have it reversed after 3 months but this isn't looking likely now due to Covid backlogs it's looking more like 6-9 months. This was a little bit of a shock to me I did have few tears and  was a blubbering mess to Scott on the phone. Thankfully my brother had taken me to my appointment so I wasn't on my own, after giving me a pat on the shoulder and telling me it would be fine We went to the only place my brother knows that would cheer me up the pub 🤣. After a lovely glass of red wine I had calmed down and knew it would be ok and at least it will be reversed. I have to look on the positive side that I won't have it for ever. I will have to have a procedure done first where they insert a dye in to my Bowel to make sure the join they made during surgery has healed. If that has healed I will be able to have my reversal.

 
A week after my surgery my Colerectal nurse rang to say they had my biopsy results.  I was told that my tumour they removed had 14 nodes and 2 where cancerous there was also 2 more growths on top of the tumour. They decided I didn't need to have more chemo yet so I would get a break, this is whilst I have a ct scan done so they can see if my cancer has spread anywhere else and see how the growths are in my lungs. Once iv had my ct scan my team will have a meeting and decide what the next step is. Whilst we wait im going to enjoy having a break from chemo. 

I'm going to take advantage of not being able to do house work and be looked after by Scott. Who has been amazing and taken the role as a carer in his stride, when we said in sickness and in health in our wedding vows 2 years ago I really didn't think we would ever have be in the position to act on that.  But here we are and I don't think I would have the strength to get through all of this as easily as I have if I didn't have the support from Scott.  We have also had lots of support from our friends and family, my Dad and his wife michelle came and stayed to  help us with school runs dog walks and looking after me.  It has been a great help especially for Scott to be able to work because I couldn't really be left on my own. We really are grateful for them doing it being as they live 4 hours away.  Luckily we have Scott's mum just around the corner too so she's helped loads too doing school runs and even just coming In to make me tea or lunch. I honestly feel like a child again having to ask for a drink or food even Paige has been doing little things for me 🤣🤦🏼‍♀️ 
I am so happy now nearly 5 weeks on I can manage to do little things for myself and feel a lot better for it. I do have to remember though not to over do because I do suffer the next day being in pain.  

I started this section whilst I waited for Scott to collect me from hospital after my 5th ct scan. It was actually my quickest one  I was in and out with in 15 minutes 😳. So now we wait for the results hopefully not to long.