Monday 14th February 
The time had finally come to get prepared for surgery.  I'm sure I mentioned in my colonoscopy post about how awful the laxative is that you have to take to prepare for surgery or colonoscopies, this time it wasn't as bad as I knew what to expect and after receiving advice from my support group on Facebook I mixed my moviprep with squash and drank quickly through a straw. I got through it very quickly this time. So I spent the rest of the night in the loo whilst the kids declared I was "gross" 🤣🤦🏼‍♀️ 
 The next morning I woke up at 5.30 trying to calm myself and gee myself up for what was to come. 
Every time  I thought about leaving Scott and the kids I could feel myself getting upset, iv only been away from them for a weekend before and I was being told I could be in for up to 10 days with no visits.  To calm myself down I decided to take a lovely long shower and make the most of it whilst I could it would be a few days until I could shower again. 
I then spent the last 30 minutes trying to fit more things in to my bag they had told me I could only take one bag in and my dressing gown took up most of that bag, I really wanted to take my own clothes in and didn't want to have to be sat around in a gown.  I wanted to feel as normal as possible and not poorly so we agreed that Scott would bring an extra bag in once I was up and about. 
It was now time to wake the kids to say goodbye they were on half term I didnt want to wake them early but at least they could go back to sleep. As soon as they woke up that was it I was in floods of tears I had to pull myself together to not upset them I didn't want  them worrying about me I wanted them to have a nice fun day at my nans with my mums side of the family ( they had the best day).  So after lots of cuddles and kisses and promises of lots of FaceTime and calls of I went to get the horrible cancerous tumour removed. 
On the drive to lister I had honestly never felt so apprehensive I really didn't know how I was going to feel after surgery that was what was worrying me. 
It would have been a little easier if Scott was aloud to come in and sit with me whilst I was being prepped but still no body was aloud to come to appointments due to Covid restrictions. 
We got to the treatment centre and it was time to say goodbye to Scott then I was in hysterical tears luckily no one else was in the waiting room. A lovely nurse came and took me in whilst reassuring me that everything would be fine. I must say that the NHS staff were amazing and so kind.  
Once I was in the ward I was given my lovely stockings to prevent DVT  and they explained all that would happen. It would be keyhole to remove the tumour and I would be given a temporary stoma. After signing all the paperwork I was walked down to the theatre where I layed on the bed and they inserted a cannula and explained that I would wake up with a cannula for my PCA to administer my own morphine,a drain in my stomach and a scar where they went in. After telling them again 2 more times under no circumstances should they put a spinal block or epidural in my back they finally put the mask on and I was asleep.......

I woke up in recovery being told that I had been under for 6 and half hours it should have been 3-4, before even asking why I needed to know that they had called Scott he would have been going out of his mind, they told me someone was speaking to him now. The surgeons assistant then came in to explain to me that the reason it was longer was because my tumour was actually a lot lower than they expected it to be so I was also opened up in an extra place too. I didn't care aslong  as I was ok and they got it all it didn't matter. There was no space on the ward for me so I was shown how to use my button for morphine and left to call the family.  I don't actually remember what I said to Scott 🤣 I knew I wasn't in the phone for long before nodding off again. I layed there for 2 hours waiting for a bed I realise now that in all that time I didn't once have a look and check out my new friend  that had saved/prolonged my life my stoma.
Finally it was time to go to the ward the nurses looked as excited as me to be moving they were waiting on me so they could go home.  I got up to the ward made a few phone calls to my family I was so lucky to have my phone to be able to FaceTime everyone and just have a chat it would have been a lot harder if I didn't have that support. I settled down and  thought great I can get a good night sleep. Oh how wrong I was they woke me up every hour to check my blood pressure which was so annoying.  I also had the grumpiest nurse ever who delighted in telling me every time she came round that she wishes she wasn't working she was soo tired, the other nurse wouldn't help her.  She said that the other nurse told her that she would only see the patients she had been given and wouldn't help the other patients if they needed her. Well I saw this was actually true when I needed her to come and check my morphine drip was working I was told I wasn't her patient and I would need to wait for my nurse, she said this whilst sat at her computer clearly she could have come and checked but chose not to. I then had a nurse come round to do my blood thinning injection.  It's not a secret I hate needles but this nurse didn't care about that or the fact that I had been in surgery for 6 and half hours. I had 4 healing wounds all over my stomach and this nurse just stabbed me so hard straight in the stomach with this needle... I think I nearly broke my button pressing for the relief of morphine.I was absolutely exhausted by the time they put the lights on for morning. 

On the Wednesday the lovely stoma nurse did the rounds and changed my bag explained to me what to expect and how to empty my bag. I wanted to do as much as I could early on I didn't want to be in hospital any longer than I needed. I wanted to be home for my boys birthday on the Saturday. 
I spent the day in bed trying to get as much sleep as possible in the afternoon they wanted me to get out of bed and sit in the chair I honestly thought my insides were going to fall out it was so uncomfortable not so much painful but the morphine was helping there. I must admit there was tears that morning getting up for the first time, you don't actually realise how often you use your stomach muscles I figured out it was most the time  . Once I was up in the chair it did actually feel so nice to be out of the bed and I even managed a little walk to the end of the ward. As you can imagine it took all my energy and I slept until dinner (which wasn't as bad as I thought it would be)  and was back to bed to hopefully sleep. 
Thursday my stoma nurse came again and I told her I wanted to change my bag myself she said it's not normally what they do but I could being as I asked to. I had been dreaming and playing out in my head for a month the way you change a bag clean the stoma and put a new bag on so I was prepared for when it came. I had been told that they wouldn't send me home unless I could change my bag myself so I was determined to get this right.  I did manage to do it right my stoma nurse was actually very shocked and impressed.
she double checked that I could empty it and was happy. I have to empty my bag 4-6 times a day and change every morning. I'm also on a low residue diet so restricted in what I can eat for a few weeks. It's basically anything that's good for you is now not 🤣. You can't eat salads certain veggies no whole meal, seeds, beans nothing spicy which is a big problem for me. I am now getting used to it but need to half my portion sizes of stodgy food.   
I had lots of checks that day the surgeons assistant came to check my lungs and told me they were clear that was one thing I was worried about pneumonia and blood clots are very common after surgery so I was very happy to hear they were clear. She also told me I was healing nicely, one step closer to home!! 

I had my catheter taken out too which was such a relief, I really struggled with the catheter I could still feel like I wanted to wee but the nurses kept telling me I shouldn't have that feeling. They kept saying just close your eyes and let it go, I can tell you something now it doesn't matter how much they reassured me that I wouldn't actually wet myself it's really bloody hard to have a wee if someone is standing there watching you saying "have you done it yet" there I was telling her to stop talking because I can't go 1 because she's watching me and 2 because she keeps bloody talking to me 🤣🤦🏼‍♀️.  Turns out my catheter was actually blocked so wasn't working thankfully I didn't listen to the nurse and wet myself. I was able to move around a lot more and empty my stoma bag easier in the toilet rather than a bed pan. It was nice to be able to finally get dressed too, all be it into a gown but I could finally put some knickers on which is nice when u have surgeons  coming around to check your Tummy with 5 students watching 🤣.
That night I didn't sleep at all well my morphine drip wasn't working every time I pressed it it set an alarm off that then woke all the ward up and everyone was moaning. In the end I told them to turn it off and give me oral morphine. Which I regretted because they were so understaffed it took them ages to bring it to me so sometimes I was over an hour late having it. This made me more determined to get home where I had my own supply of morphine that I knew would be given to me on time. On the plus side I had a gentle nurse do my blood thinning injection which I didn't really notice. 

Friday morning I had my actual surgeon come round with my stoma nurse he said I was his star patient and was happy for me to go home as long as my stoma nurse was pleased and I was confident enough to do my bag. My stoma nurse left me to get dressed and went to see the other patients whilst I sorted all my stuff out to change my bag again.  I have never felt more on edge than doing that change I soo wanted to go home and didn't want her to think I wasn't ready. 
I finished changing my bag and my nurse said I would be home by 3pm that day. I was soo excited and beyond happy I did shed a happy tear I was going to be home for my boys birthday the one target that I had set myself and I had done it. I will say it I was really bloody proud of myself!!!!! 
A lot of nurses came round at about 1 and told me they needed my bed, I had only just really got dressed so had all my things out on the bed and my bags weren't packed. I had about 4 nurses surround me asking what I wanted packed in what bag and rushing all around me pulling plugs out of the wall and striping the bedding off. It was all a bit manic I had my drain removed which felt horrible I honestly thought if I was standing my legs would have given way. I was patched up and there was a Porter waiting to take me to the discharge lounge where I was given lunch and told to wait for my medication to take home. It was actually really nice to be in the discharge lounge I had people to talk to they were a little older than me but all the people that were on my ward were really old and nobody spoke to each other. Which mad me really sad for the little old ladies to not have anyone to talk to being as there was no visits still. I did try to have a chat with them but they slept a lot. Bless them it's sad that the nurses just don't even have enough time to sit with them due to being so understaffed. 
I must admit the nurses were lovely and most of the time sympathetic to the situations we were all in, it's just a shame there isn't more of them to get a little more support each other. 
 I sat in the discharge lounge until 2.30 when they said Scott could come and get me I was beyond excited to be going home all though a little nervous because of going outside for the first time it didn't help that there was a massive storm luckily the nurse was very understanding and let Scott drive the car right up to the door as I nearly got blown away. 
Next stop home to see my babies 😁😁😁