Tuesday 26th July. 
Stoma Reversal 

Well the day had arrived and I felt so nervous, all though there wasn't any tears like my first operation. I think my first op I was absolutely petrified of no knowing how I was going to be and obviously getting the stoma. This time I wasn't scared just nervous of how many times I would be on the toilet afterwards.  
I had the usual prep for my gown and lovely stockings on and sat there and waited for 4 hours that's the most frustrating part the waiting they get you there so early then you have to wait hours. 
It was my time to go down and the surgeon could tell I was nervous and anxious about having the cannula put in which again was a pain because they couldn't get the cannula in. They put the oxygen mask on me and then said they would start the magic to get me to sleep she did say she would give me a little longer this I was grateful for the lovely feeling of everything getting heavy knowing your going to get a good sleep 🤣🤦🏼‍♀️.

I woke up 2 hours later to be told that everything went fine that I no longer had a bag.... skip to being told that for the 3rd time because I was so out of it, I was told that things were a bit sticky but they had managed to clear that and were hopeful I wouldn't have any leaks and should recover ok.  This time I didn't have a pump to administer my own meds it was just oramorph which isn't good for me because I take that anyway so they upped the amount they would usually give from 10ml to 30ml every 2 hours to make sure I wasn't in pain.  I was told I was left with an open wound that would need to be packed and dressed every other day, this I wasn't too happy about because I was worried about it getting infected but iv been assured that that rarely happens. I was left to chill and wake up a little more whilst the morphine worked. I had a little chat with Scott on the phone because they hadn't yet called and told him I was awake and how it went. I don't really remember what was said but just told him I was going back to sleep and would call later.  It was time to go to the ward and I was a little worried the lady that had been with me was so lovely to me and always there if she even just saw me fidget I knew the ward would be different.  
I arrived on the ward and was in pain so immediately asked for pain relief to be told that I couldn't have any because my surgeon hadn't done a prescription and they couldn't get hold of anyone to sort it out so I had to wait.  I was given dinner of fish pie I wasn't sure if I was actually supposed to be eating solid food so asked them to find out. 20 minutes later I asked again am I supposed to be eating? I was hungry and would have happily eaten the fish pie when I was given it. A nurse came back 10 minutes later shouting at me for not eating my dinner that it wasn't a restaurant and I can't be picky. I quickly told her whilst trying to stay calm that I had just had a stoma reversal and wasn't sure if I was actually supposed to be eating I had asked 2 people to find out and no one has come back to me. She told me yes eat it, well by now it was freezing cold and I wasn't going to eat it after a lot of huffing and tutting from the nurse and me telling her I need something else and explaining their mistakes they had made since I got on the ward she finally got me a sandwich. I had been on the ward for 2 hours when fiannly they managed to bring me some oramorph they were going to give me 10ml after informing them that actually I was supposed to have 30 ml they gave in and let me have. It's absolute chaos on the ward a patient had been discharged and they had lost her. An elderly lady had been taken by staff to get into a taxi but wasn't put in the taxi so they lost her for a few hours. She had actually decided to get in a different taxi and had managed to get home but it just goes to show that nobody on this ward were communicating with each other. 
I had managed to get some sleep but was still in a lot of pain and was waiting to go to the toilet the surgeon had come round and was happy with how my stomach felt and how my wound was looking. I was feeling really positive and was happy that Scott was aloud to come and see me this time. I had a few visits from friends this time too it definitely makes you feel better to have company and a nice distraction from the ward. 
That night I was in so much pain the nurses were reallly short staffed and not on time with any pain relief by the morning I was crying out in pain. My surgeon came round and was worried that I may have to have an NG tube inserted because I had been sick that morning( I had been sick from the pain but they can't risk a bowel blockage).  I was absolutely petrified the thought of an NG tube was the worst thing that could happen it was awful putting it in the time before.  So my mission that day was to go to for a poo before they shoved the NG tube down. I was worried all day Scott came up and spent most the day with me after phone calls of me hysterically crying down the phone it was an awful day. By the afternoon they had come round and put another cannula in and gave me fluids and iv paracetamol which helped with my pain a lot. They said they would wait until the next morning to see if I was sick anymore then we would discuss the tube again. 
That night my friend Lauren came to visit we went and walked downstairs and sat outside which was nice it was so hot and muggy on the ward.  On the way back up to the ward I finally felt the need to go to the toilet. Just made it to the toilet and I had never been happier or more excited to go for a poo in my life I even FaceTimed Scott to let him know it had happened.  I wouldn't have to have the horrible NG tube and I would be able to go home.  I did feel really sorry for the poor lady who walked into the toilet there was me and Lauren literally screaming and whopping about the fact I was having a poo 🤣🤦🏼‍♀️ Theres a point that I never ever thought I'd see in our friendship lol. 
That night I didn't sleep much apart from being back and forth from the toilet I was anxious about what time they would get round to me to let me go home.  Turns out I had every reason to be anxious they didn't even ring and tell my dr I had had a bowel movement so not only did they leave me until 2pm to eat or have a tea they left it until then for the dr to see me.  I spent all morning asking when I would see the dr not once did they say they hadn't even called him just kept saying yeah his coming.  I finally lost it and did end up shouting at one of the nurses I was waiting to see the kids and didn't want to leave the ward incase the dr would come they knew the dr wasn't coming until the afternoon but failed to tell me this.  The dr came and seemed shocked that I wanted to go home I told her I'd had enough I was going home I had been to the toilet and that's all they wanted from me.  She asked me to eat something to make sure I wasn't sick and to have bloods done.  The nurses had informed her that I refused a blood test that morning, I hadn't the lady came round to do bloods I informed her that she couldn't do it in my arms and had to use my hand due to my arm being damaged from chemo and the other one having a cannula in she didn't even attempt to try just said fine she wouldn't do it.  I was hardly going to beg her to take my blood was I. So I now had to wait and have bloods and results. A dr came round to take my blood he said it was taking a while so stood pushing on my vein and had me pumping my fist finally he got the blood and went to untie the ligature they tighten your arm with only to realise he hadn't actually tied it and that's why it was taking so long for the blood to come out.  I had really had enough by now luckily my friend Gina had come to see me and bring me food. It was nice to have someone sit with me whilst I waited for my blood results. Scott and the kids came to see me for a few minutes too they were so excited that I was finally coming home.  I was nervous that my blood results would be back and I wouldn't be there to get them done so we headed back up, once I was back the nurse came in to change and pack my dressing I was so glad Gina was there.  I'm not normally Squamish but this dressing change and packing situation made my legs go. This one was the worse because you could feel all the stuff being pulled out of the wound it didn't help that when I opened my eyes to look at Gina she looked absolutely mortified(Gina loves all things gorey and gross) so for her to look this shocked I was convinced it was horrific she has told me it wasn't 🤦🏼‍♀️🤣. I have had this done since being home and it does get easier. There is literally a hole and they pack it with gorze it's a little sensitive but not that bad it's just the thought of it that's bad. Finally they said I could go home my sister Erin and her fiancé Jamie had come to visit me so we decided to surprise Scott and the kids and turn up home with out them knowing.  I was so excited to be leaving hospital and just get home knowing I would recover quicker at home.  We just managed to get in the car when Scott rang I told a little white lie that I was just waiting for discharge forms and I'd be home. 
I got home and they were surprised to see me my brother dean was over too it was so nice to come home to a full house.  
I managed to have a shower and get cosy in the new lounge wear that Scott and the children had got me. It's taken a few days to get used to being home and trying to sleep at night time instead of during the day. Your body clock get very messed up in hospital where they wake you every 2 hours for obs. 
I am recovering well and managing to do a lot I even managed a day out to Harry Potter studios a week after surgery, they were amazing and got me a wheelchair to use for the time I was there I was so happy to be able to do that with the family I had booked it before knowing when my surgery was. 
I am going to the drs every other day for my packing and dressing to be changed on my wound and they said it's healing really well. So I just need to continue to keep avtive but rest too.  
I did have some bad news whilst I was in hospital my cancer had continued to grow in my lungs and there is new nodules growing there, it has also spread to my liver so I'm currently waiting to speak to my oncologist tomorrow for my next treatment plan. I am going to continue to think positively and knowing I have other tratment options keeps me positive but we will see what my oncologist says. I will keep you updated. 
For now I'm going to enjoy the rest of the summer holidays with the kids and Scott, we have a trip to Plymouth coming up too so that's exciting.  
Thank you all for your continued support especially our family and friends.